Darcy Tucker Fan Club

All I Ask Is That You Remember the Good Times

2009-01-29T16:24:00.002-05:00

Remember the heart. Remember the time Sami Kapanen forgot who he was. In closing, this is the precise second where all of us were proud to be Leafs fans:

Isn't it weird how 'smell ya later' replaced 'goodbye'?

2008-08-21T21:07:00.006-04:00

That's right, as of tomorrow I won't be writing in this stinkhole anymore. PPP made me an offer that moved me... into a bigger house!

...

Oh, I said the quiet pard loud and the loud part quiet. Anyhow, I'll be joining forces with PPP over at Pension Plan Puppets because it appeals to my aesthetic sensibilities and it will allow me to live out my dream of being this guy:

Fear not, I'm going to leave all the posts up here so you can all remember them, and if demand warrants I'll publish all of the posts into a hardcover book so you can read them while you take a crap. So, adios that's how it goes (even though I'm not going very far away)!

Important Mats Sundin Updates and More!

2008-08-18T22:27:00.005-04:00

I just don't understand why every week either TSN or the CBC run another story about how Mats Sundin is being a cocktease by not signing somewhere in the NHL. The man is allowed to retire. He's not under contract, he doesn't have to do anything. While chatting with Greener earlier today, trying to figure out if he's actually Steven Spielberg, I got to wondering about what the CBC coverage of Christianity would look like:

"No timetable as to Jesus' return should this deal fall through. Watch this space for this same column to repeat from now until the second coming aka. 'the apocalypse'."

A contest!

Now that I'm done blaspheming for the night, I have exciting news. You'll all have a good reason to read my blog now, I'm holding a contest! I had ten awesome Leafs pins made up, and I'm going to give all of them away. Just look at them!

In case you're not sure, the pins are:

1x Sundin with hair
3x Doug Gilmour
3x Wendel Clark
1x John Kordic
1x Glenn Anderson
1x Allan Bester

I'm not exactly sure what the contest might be, maybe I'll have people leave comments with why they deserve a certain pin, or maybe I'll make you do something embarassing. The point is: at least six of you want a fucking Dougie or Wendel pin, and PPP would probably wear the Bester one with pride and or shame.

My Five NHL Improvements

2008-08-06T14:34:00.002-04:00

1. Get rid of the shootout, it's boring. I'm tired of hearing about how good Jussi Jokinen is in the shootout, because he sucks at hockey. The last thing the NHL needs is "shootout specialists".

2. If having games end in a tie isn't possible, then every game should be worth 3 points. 3 points for a regulation win, 2 points for a post-regulation win, 1 point for a post-regulation loss, and 0 points for a regulation loss.

3. No touch icing sucks, but a rule should be instated about contact (intentional or incidental) within 10 feet of the boards on an icing call. Pushing a guy from behind as he goes to touch the icing shouldn't be allowed.

4. The team with the most points not in the playoffs should draft first. This eliminates any worries about tanking, and should make every game more exciting. The "worst" team in the league is still going to be drafting top ten, which will allow terrible teams to build up a respectable core with good drafting before they move their way up to add a young superstar franchise player and push their way into the playoffs.

5. Expansion teams in Seattle and Hamilton.

And because I'm generous:

6. The ACC's replacement should hold no fewer than 30,000.

Quick heads up

2008-08-05T13:12:00.004-04:00

I got my wisdom teeth out this morning, so I'm pretty miserable. I get to spit up blood though, so that's cool.

A buddy of mine started a general hockey blog, somewhat humor focused but not entirely. I've been reading it for a few days and I think a bunch of you guys wouldn't mind reading it, so I'm devoting a post to sharing his link. His blog is called The Two Line Pass, tell him Chemmy sent you. :)

Whoa whoa whoa, who the fuck narced?

2008-08-01T13:44:00.004-04:00

What's this business about The Pensblog being shut down? If Blogger isn't the place for self righteous jackasses to post crappy photoshops and talk about hockey then I'm going to need to find somewhere else to write, and that enrages and confuses me.

Seriously though, whoever screws this up for the Pensblog is in for some hurt from the hockey blogosphere. We're chipping in and hiring this guy to straighten things out:

You guys want some cheap Leafs jerseys?

2008-07-26T15:54:00.002-04:00

Icejerseys.com is having their annual customer appreciation sale and cleaning out old stock. I would have passed this along earlier but they still had my jersey size available and I didn't want you all to buy them up while I debated buying one. Now that I have though:

Icejerseys.com has three coupon codes:

CLP30, CLP40, and CLP50. CLP30 takes off 30% on purchases of $150 or more. CLP40 takes off 40% on purchases of $200 or more, and CLP50 takes off 50% on purchases of $250 or more.

The discount includes customization, so an authentic Leafs EDGE jersey with hand sewn customisation comes out to about $175 shipped. Amazing deal if you want a new jersey.

Who Should I Jinx Next?

2008-07-25T14:20:00.003-04:00

Hello friends and the people I force to read my blog in exchange for letting them out of the basement for ten minutes a comment, the time has come for me to buy yet another Leafs jersey.

My Leafs jerseys. From left to right you'll notice four numbered jerseys. Belak, Wellwood, Tucker, and Sundin. The #58 is my men's league jersey.

I need some votes in the comments, whose jersey should I buy next?

Alex Steen? He could have a breakout year but he also kind of stinks.
Luke Schenn? What number is he going to wear?
Anton Stralman? Pretty sweet jersey to be honest.
Tomas Kaberle? Classy player, probably our next captain, but he seems like delicious trade bait.

Edit: It was nice knowing you, Alex Steen.

I feel better about the signings of Mayers, Hagman, and Finger

2008-07-22T11:04:00.003-04:00

Check this out, the Devils signed Fedor Fedorov. Here are his career stats:

18GP 0G 2A 2P

The guy was drafted in 1999 by Tampa and re-entered the draft in 2001. Why the hell would anyone want this guy? Generally if you refuse to be signed and re-enter the draft you should be a really good player (Blake Wheeler, take note). Fedor Federov's best skill as a hockey player and as a human being are that he's Sergei Federov's brother.

You could probably drive to any shinny game in Ontario and pick up a guy who could manage two assists in two NHL games and would be happy to play for season tickets or something. With Brodeur getting close to shriveling up and dying, and signings like this, I think it's safe to say the Rangers and Penguins are excited.

Why I'm a Leafs Fan

2008-07-18T15:02:00.003-04:00

In response to MF37's excellent summer piece about why he's a Toronto Maple Leafs fan:

I cheer for five teams, in order of my love: The Toronto Maple Leafs, the New England Patriots, the Boston Red Sox, Arsenal F.C., and the Boston Celtics.

I started rooting for the Celtics because I root for most of the other Boston teams, and got wrapped up in their playoff run this year. Sure I'm a bandwagon fan, but I don't really care about basketball so that's that. I root for Arsenal because my best friend is an Arsenal fan and I like to watch soccer and talk to him about it. Those two are easy.

I went off to college in Boston in 2002, having grown up near Hartford, and noticed how much the city loved the Red Sox. It's really a magical thing how anywhere you go you can talk to people about how Papi's hitting, or something wacky Manny did and you instantly have something in common. I wasn't a big baseball fan before moving to Boston so it took a while for me to get really wrapped up in the Sox. My first Sox memories are them beating Oakland in the ALDS in 2003, before the utter heartbreak of the 2003 ALCS. In 2004 I worked for one of the biggest ticket scalpers in Boston and got to use extra seats when they went unsold. 2004 was my first time in Fenway Park and I went to probably 20 games that season. Obviously you know what happened in 2004, so I'm not a long suffering Sox fan but it was a ton of fun to live in Boston in 2004, the entire city had this weight lifted off their shoulders that October.

I've been a Patriots fan since I was old enough to watch football. I grew up in Hartford and they were the only team on TV. I remember how awful they were when I was growing up, and I remember hating Drew Bledsoe and wishing the Patriots would get some competent players. I went to my first Patriots game when I was nine or ten, a game in Foxboro Stadium where it was around zero degrees fahrenheit with snow coming down, where the Jets came back in the fourth quarter to beat the lovable loser Patriots. Two weeks after the 9/11 attack, while watching the Patriots play the Jets I got my wish about Bledsoe. I had no idea who Tom Brady was, and he looked like he probably sucked, but at least it was someone who wasn't Bledsoe. 2001 would be the first time a team I cheered for won a championship, and it would be the start of Boston dominating professional sports. Right now you're probably wondering why I'm a Leafs fan.

I grew up in Hartford. My parents had season tickets to the Whalers, section 121 row N seats 1-3. I grew up hating the Bruins since their fans would always come to our arena, take the place over, be loud and obnoxious, and beat the crap out of the Whalers. I didn't like the Rangers because I've never liked New York City. In fact, I hated the Yankees before I ever watched a Sox game because they forced the Yankees channel onto my mom's cable which meant the cable company removed NESN, the New England Sports Network which frequently showed college hockey (Boston University and Boston College. Watching college hockey on NESN and dreaming of wearing the Terriers' red and white was a big influence of why I ended up attending Boston University).

The Whalers left. I said goodbye to our prospects Pronger and Giguere. Goodbye to Keith Primeau, Jeff O'Neill, and Paul Maurice. I didn't have anyone to root for. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to cheer for the Whalers in Carolina, because fuck Peter Karmanos. I didn't want to root for the Bruins or Rangers, the only two teams I could watch regularly on TV, because of their rivalries with the Whalers based on proximity. My dad grew up in Philly so I could have rooted for the Flyers, but the idea made me ponder suicide. I was saved though. The coach of my hockey team was a Leafs fan, and so I followed the Leafs because of him. In 1992 Felix Potvin joined the Leafs. I remember reading an article about him in Sports Illustrated, I remember watching him and the Leafs playing against the Whalers in the Hartford Civic Center, and I remember my coach calling me "The Cat", and later on "Felix" when Potvin rose to stardom.

So here I am. I've only been a Leafs fan for eleven years, and they may be terrible, but I suffered through 13 years of the Whalers.

This Is A New Low

2008-07-16T11:18:00.004-04:00

Dear MLSE,

You have the most loyal fans in hockey. Despite your incompetence, general wretchedness, and complete lack of personal hygiene people still love the Leafs.

Nobody cares about the preseason. I speak on behalf of Toronto Maple Leafs bloggers. We're the die hards. We live, eat, sleep, and breathe the Toronto fucking Maple Leafs. We've been endlessly arguing about which prospects might get invited to camp. Next week we'll probably shout at each other about forward line pairings during training camp scrimmages. Not a single person cares about a preseason game. I wouldn't go to a preseason game if you paid me $50 to sit in the seat. In fact, about the only thing that would get me to go to a preseason game would be if you promised that you tricked Daniel Alfredsson to come to the game, and that he would be publicly beaten at Center Ice during the second intermission.

I have a better idea than a free preseason game, how about a postseason game?

- Chemmy

ps. get fucked

The Mystery Box

2008-07-15T23:46:00.003-04:00

Behold:

The mystery box! Bask in its mysterious glow!

What glorious surprise do the Leafs have in store for us tomorrow? Will the Leafs announce that they signed Mats Sundin and immediately traded him for Alexander Ovechkin and Ted Leonsis' daughter? Will MLSE inform us that they bought the Ottawa Senators and sold every one of their players to the KHL? Perhaps the people in charge of the ACC have disallowed corporate ticketholders so that normal human beings can actually see a Leafs game.

Yes, yes, I know, you all want me to run the Toronto Maple Leafs, and honestly after my successful stint over at Pension Plan Puppets (found by googling: "toronto maple leafs blog") I can't think of anyone more qualified, but alas I find myself back here at my "interesting" blog that's "worth visiting", so I suppose some baseless speculation is all I have for you today. If Ian White is reading this, you should be happy because I'd bench you so fast your square head would spin you clownshoe wearing dweeb.

Ahem, where were we? Ah yes, tomorrow's secret fan announcement. As much as I'd like it to be something good, I'm going to have to put on the "glass is half empty" goggles and admit that it will be one of the following three things:

The Leafs' new third jerseys. They're white and look exactly like the old third jerseys. Buy a Cujo one today!!!
Seriously that's what they're going to do. It'll be the new jersey. Buy one at shop.nhl.com!
Honest. I have a Sundin third that I was considering using to dry my tears but if they bring it back I might as well wear it.

"A boat's a boat, but a mystery box could be anything. It could even be a boat."

08-09 Defensive Pairings

2008-07-14T15:32:00.005-04:00

I grew up in Hartford, CT (go Whale!). In 1992 I got to see a young defenseman come into the league at age 19, Chris Pronger.

I've heard Luke Schenn compared to Chris Pronger without much offense. Schenn's potential is a top pairing defenseman who hits hard but doesn't play a lot of offense which works for Toronto since the Leafs have plenty of slick puck moving defensemen but no one who can really rough it up.

However, when Pronger came into the league, he took a lot of flack for being a poor defenseman in Hartford. This was because he was a 19 year old kid playing on a terrible team. Does that sound familiar? It should. Luke Schenn will be 19 when the season starts this October, and the Leafs are going to be gunning for a lottery pick.

Toronto's list of defenders under contract so far is: Bryan McCabe ($5.75), Pavel Kubina ($5), Tomas Kaberle ($4.25), Finger ($3.5), Colaiacovo ($1.28), White ($0.85), and Stralman ($0.75). That's seven guys, and there are only three defensive pairings. We should admit off the bat that the top four salaried guys are going to be playing full time; McCabe, Kubina, Kaberle, Finger. (Ed. note: In the comments ninja pointed out that I forgot Frogren. Oops.) That leaves two spots. I'm looking at these two spots from the following angle. Which of these players are good enough to warrant keeping Schenn from seeing NHL ice time?

Anton Stralman showed flashes of brilliance last year. I think he deserves the fifth spot.

Ian White sucks, and anyone who disagrees should let me know so that I don't ever bother talking to you about hockey.

I really want to like Carlo Colaiacovo, but he's made of glass. Collectively Leafs fans have been holding their breath waiting for him to mature and I think it's time we admit that he's not going to. He seems like a nice guy, he's a great player when he's healthy, but he's not healthy. He won't ever be healthy. However this might work this season. I want Schenn to get some NHL time, but if he's not quite ripe yet Colaicovo is ready to play. If Colaiacovo stays healthy this year maybe he becomes enticing trade bait for more picks in next year's draft.

The more I think about it, perhaps the thing to do is to use Schenn, Stralman, and Colaicovo on a rotating carousel to get all of them NHL time, and lots of ice time when they're down in the AHL, with the exception of Carlo who could probably use time off here and there.

We'll wait for the season to start to see what happens, but just remember: becoming a good NHL player takes time. Luke Schenn will not be the best defender we have for two, three, or maybe even four years. Patience. If it takes him four years to become the beast we know he can be, he'll still only be 23.

The More Things Change, The More Things Stay The Same

2008-07-10T08:05:00.002-04:00

I finally got around to reading a book my girlfriend's mother bought me a few years ago, Searching for Bobby Orr by Stephen Brunt, and it has the following exchange between Blair, a scout for the Bruins who knew about Bobby Orr, and Stafford Smythe:

"Don't think you're so fucking smart about signing Orr," Smythe barked.
"I never said I was smart," Blair answered.
"We had him signed long before you did," Smythe said.
Well that was interesting. "If that's the case, Staff," Blair wondered, "how come Orr isn't wearing a Leafs uniform right now?"
"Because my people were too goddamn stupid," Smythe said.

ZOT!!!

2008-07-07T10:10:00.000-04:00

Consider this a response to HS/HS.

The DTFC isn't dead

2008-07-04T21:35:00.003-04:00

This blog isn't dead, I'm just reminding people that I'm guest-writing over at a great Toronto Maple Leafs blog, Pension Plan Puppets.

I'll be back here just in time for discussions about UFAs and trades to die.

There Goes My Hero

2008-06-25T09:55:00.002-04:00

Well, the draft hasn't even started and Toronto fucked it up

2008-06-20T08:40:00.004-04:00

The Leafs traded a third round draft pick for... JAMAL FUCKING MAYERS?! "But Chemmy", you say, "I've heard Jamal Mayers plays in the Western Conference and that means he must be pretty good".

He had a fantastic 12 goals in 80 games last season, and he got to play against Chicago, and Columbus 16 times. No worries, maybe he's a playmaker. Oh, 15 assists. Well, he takes a lot of penalties apparently, and he's from Toronto, and he only cost us a third round player in an incredibly deep draft. Detroit will probably be drafting their replacements for Zetterberg, Lidstrom, and Hasek after that point but getting Jamal Mayers seems pretty good.

Honestly the guy is 33. If he was 25 and didn't suck this could be an ok move, but I'm pretty sure that a trained ape could draft someone who was "gritty" in the third round. Nice work Leafs, you ruined my draft day at 8:42AM EST.

ps. This will be my last post around here for a couple of weeks, I'll be writing for Pension Plan Puppets while PPP is on vacation. I'm sure all four of you who read this blog will be ok seeing me write crappy posts somewhere else for a few weeks.

This is pretty weird actually

2008-06-04T08:33:00.002-04:00

I'm sort of wondering why this hasn't come up yet; the Detroit Red Wings aren't the only team left in the playoffs that choked on a 3-0 lead to lose a playoff series.

We all know that the Red Wings laid down so that God's team could win the Cup and make history in 1942. We also know that the Islanders and the Red Sox are the only other two teams to come back from 0-3 in a playoff series. The Red Sox did it against the Yankees (Derek Jeter drinks wine coolers), but not many people know who the Islanders did it against (unless you can read in which case my first line already gave it away).

Series H                      W  L   GF   GA
 New York Islanders           4  3   21   18
 Pittsburgh Penguins          3  4   18   21
 
 Apr 13    New York Islanders   4   5  at Pittsburgh Penguins
 Apr 15    New York Islanders   1   3  at Pittsburgh Penguins
 Apr 17   Pittsburgh Penguins   6   4  at New York Islanders
 Apr 20   Pittsburgh Penguins   1   3  at New York Islanders
 Apr 22    New York Islanders   4   2  at Pittsburgh Penguins
 Apr 24   Pittsburgh Penguins   1   4  at New York Islanders
 Apr 26    New York Islanders   1   0  at Pittsburgh Penguins

 New York Islanders win series 4 games to 3

The Pittsburgh Penguins. Weird.

Oh, that's what the playoffs are like

2008-06-03T10:23:00.006-04:00

It's been a "short" while since the Leafs were last in the playoffs, and aside from desperately praying that neither Ottawa nor Carolina would hoist the cup in recent years (Editor's note: I'm batting .500!) I haven't really had any rooting interest in the playoffs since May 4th, 2004.

The playoffs are magical. Watching Marc-Andre Fleury kick his skate out, his five hole at least four feet wide, as he slid across the net to just catch a puck with his toe last night was breath taking. I was watching at home with my two buddies who are Red Wings fans, and they both refused my attempts to get a high five after that save, spoil sports.

After the second period we drove to the bar at our local hockey rink which seems like a bad place to go to on a night when you don't have a hockey game but the bar there has a projector, cheap beer, and awesome chicken wings. Most people in the bar which is located near NYC are neither Wings or Pens fans, most of them were just rooting for more hockey - afraid of the four months of boredom that occurs between the Cup finals and next season (Leafs in 08 09 baby!).

The atmosphere was great. Thirty or forty guys all crowded together at one end of the bar, not talking, just watching hockey and drinking, and collectively ooh-ing and aah-ing big plays. We were watching the final few minutes tick down as NBC cut to footage of the handlers polishing the cup for its eventual presentation to Detroit last night when the Darcy Tucker Moment happened again.

The what now? The Darcy Tucker Moment. It's what makes the playoffs great. You see, the Darcy Tucker Moment is when everything feels safe and secure for your team and then it all goes to shit. You know you shouldn't feel safe, you know you shouldn't think the game is won already but something happens and you just do. For all eight people who read this blog, you remember that Sami Kapanen being unable to find the bench was the turning point. Toronto was going to build on that momentum and win game six, and beat Philly in game seven and then the parade would go down Yonge and across Front and maybe down Bay bef- oh fuck Jeremy fucking Roenick.

Max Talbot did that last night. Detroit was playing good positional defense (hat tip to Puck Daddy) and Pittsburgh couldn't even gain the zone. The Cup was on its little Cupmobile ready to be wheeled out when Malkin and Talbot derailed the post game plans of the entire state of Michigan.

That's why I love the playoffs. That's why I love hockey. Here's hoping this goes to seven games, just so that we can all have a chance for more of last night's three OTs of anxious nail biting.

Not Hockey Related

2008-05-19T11:14:00.003-04:00

I was mentioned in the Boston Globe on Saturday sort of.

"More Eric

Posted by Amalie Benjamin, Globe Staff May 18, 2008 04:09 PM

The crowd is currently chanting 'We want Gagne.'"

Amalie Benjamin neglects to tell you, the reader, that by "the crowd" she meant me. I drunkenly chanted "We want Gagne" alone, at the start of the game on Saturday until I realized no one else wanted to chant with me and gave up.

P.S. Big ups to Loser Domi for being Deadspun earlier today.

Every year I lose the fucking Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes and Now This

2008-05-09T11:01:00.002-04:00

Hockey-reference.com is stealing all of our money

2008-05-08T13:28:00.006-04:00

Talk about a good business plan, Hockey Reference has opened, and for a fee anyone is able to sponsor a player or team's page. I'm sure everyone reading this blog has already seen PPP's Call to Arms, but if you haven't I'm sure you can guess what that link will take you to.

This blog post is going in a different direction. I was talking to PPP earlier and mentioned that I had a lot of good taglines for players but I'm not a millionaire so I can't buy them all. PPP then belitted me when I told him this would be the longest post on this blog, by asking if it would hit five lines. In this post, I'm going to start posting what I would put on a player's page if I were the richest man on earth.

Maxim Afinogenov - Stickhandlestickhandlestickhandlestickhandlestickhandle shit I don't have room to score.

Jason Allison - Caption did not arrive in time for this webpage to load it correctly.

Dave Babych - Last in defensive ability, first in our hearts.

Bates Battaglia - Has always hated the nickname "Master".

Ed Belfour - Is too drunk to have purchased his own page.

Wendel Clark - So gritty he may actually be made of dirt. Fancy dirt.

Carlo Colaiacovo - Hurt himself reading this.

Alexander Daigle - His career sums up the history of the Ottawa Senators better than any other description.

Tie Domi - The scrappiest lovable loser of all.

Ken Dryden - More Carey Price (next Ken Dryden) than Carey Price (in need of playoff heimlich).

Phil Esposito - Terrible talk radio show on XM, odd infatuation with Tampa Bay.

Peter Forsberg - Sometimes I fall down.

Theoren Fleury - Has never once tried cocaine and will challenge you to a fist fight if you claim otherwise.

Doug Gilmour - Doug-ie! Doug-ie!

Dany Heatley - Sponsored by: TD Car Insurance - Don't accept a ride home from the rink with Dany Heatley.

Brett Hull - Doesn't know nothing about no goddamn foot in the crease.

Al Iafrate - Shoots harder than that kid in the Mighty Ducks movie.

Jaromir Jagr - Is afraid of Hal Gill, red grapes, and the playoffs without Mario.

Jussi Jokinen - Is hoping this game goes to a shootout.

Chad Kilger - Shoots harder than Al Iafrate.

Patrick Lalime - Is deathly afraid of seeing the colors blue and white, as well as trees.

Claude Lemieux - Not as good as Mario.

Mario Lemieux - Not as good at beating people up as Claude.

Bryan McCabe - Is auditioning for Boogie Nights 2: Electric Boogie-loo.

Darren McCarty - Hates turtles, and Claude Lemieux, and turtling Claude Lemieuxs.

Markus Naslund - Sadly, is inarguably worse than Daniel Alfredsson, making him not even the second best Swedish captain of a Canadian hockey team.

Ryan O'Byrne - Purse snatcher.

Alexander Ovechkin - Segway rider, leader of Washington's NHL team The Washington Flying Ovechkins.

Justin Pogge - More Felix Potvin (1993) than Carey Price (future pumper of 10% ethanol gasoline blend).

Bill Quackenbush - Sponsor this page for -$5. (Page actually sponsored by WWI).

Tuukka Rask - Doesn't exist. No one understands why someone who doesn't exist has a Hockey-reference page.

Mats Sundin - The father.

Alex Steen - The son.

John Tavares - The holy spirit.

Jiri Tlusty - 8====D

R.J. Umberger - Has anyone seen Brian Campbell around latel-

Tomas Vokoun - Left Nashville in time to avoid being scored on by Wade Belak.

Andy Wozniewski - Had his Make A Wish granted and got to play a whole season for the Toronto Maple Leafs.

Keith Yandle - It seems to me, he lived his life like a yandle in the wind.

Dmitri Yushkevich - Legendary superstar of the Toronto Maple Leafs.

Richard Zednik - Colombian necktie .

Wow, I made it to the end without passing out. Hopefully some of you other bloggers in the Leafosphere (that's right Godd, I went there) have something funnier than what I wrote.

Good news everyone!

2008-05-01T11:57:00.003-04:00

Mats Sundin is getting married to a twenty five year old. Wait, why is that good news?

It's all very simple, a fairly attractive twenty five year old probably wants to be dating an NHL player, not an ex-NHL player. Mats Sundin doesn't want to play anywhere besides Toronto, so we can draw only one conclusion.

Success!

links

2008-05-01T09:15:00.001-04:00

I'm writing over at a toronto maple leafs blog.

Fabian Brunnstrom!

2008-04-24T10:39:00.004-04:00

Wow! Fabian Brunnstrom! He could be ours! For just cash! Which we have a lot of! See the post below this one to find out where the cash comes from (the answer isn't Uncle Sam, the Leafs play in Canada)!

Sorry about that. Now that we have the excitement of possibly writing a check to sign some guy who has apparently eluded the entire NHL's scouting and development programs while "tearing up" the basement of the SEL out of the way, I'm wondering about how good he'll be. Detroit is interested in him, which makes me think that maybe this guy is decent, but I decided I'd put together a flowchart to document the likely outcomes of Brunnstrom's career.

I did it at a truck stop!

2008-04-15T09:34:00.002-04:00

$65,000 later, I'm sitting in the lower bowl!

*eats sushi, forgets to actually go to game*

Bandwagon Fans

2008-04-10T15:34:00.002-04:00

I was talking to my buddy Ian about the Red Sox and how cheering for them is just different now that the entire world thinks the Sox are champions instead of bums, and I got to wondering about bandwagon fans.

As Leafs fans on April 10th, 2008 I think it's pretty safe to say that we're the die hards. In ten years or so, what happens if the Leafs win the cup? Ignoring bandwagon fans, and the people claiming that you and I haven't ever watched a Leafs game before, I think the first thing that happens is the Ottawa Senators fold.

Gary Roberts: Leaf Forever

2008-04-09T21:53:00.001-04:00

What else is there to say? Pens 4, Sens squat. See you in two days Cryin' Bryan.

Great moments in journalism

2008-04-09T14:29:00.001-04:00

From ESPN.com:

"Which player do you think will be one of the out-of-nowhere role players who surprises everyone in the playoffs?

Scott Burnside: I would keep an eye on Tom Poti."

Now Wait Just a Second Good Sir

2008-04-08T14:39:00.003-04:00

Is Toronto's drafting and scouting really that bad? Ho ho ho you say. What about Luca Cereda? What about Eric Fichaud? Yeah they stink and died in third world countries without winning a cup with the Leafs, that's true, but Toronto's first round drafting hasn't been atrocious lately.

Toronto's last first rounder was 13th overall in 2006 used to select Jiri "Naked Time" Tlusty. Lusty looked pretty good this year, I'm going to give him a thumbs up.

In 2005 Toronto selected Tuukka "My Face Scares Small Children" Rask 21st overall. He looks like he'll do a number against the Leafs for a long time as a member of the Bruins. Crap. Thumbs up. 2003 and 2004 never happened, but in 2002 the Leafs picked Alexander "Dreamy Swede" Steen at 24, and he neither stinks at hockey nor had a career ending injury in Switzerland. Thumbs up!

In 2001 the Toronto Maple Leafs selected Carlo "Hurt Today" Colaiacovo at 17th. He's good except for being broken. Thumbs up to Coca-colaiacovo.

Before that, in 2000 the Leafs selected Brad Boyes 24th overall and I don't want to talk about it. In 1999 they picked a stinker in Cereda, but in 1998 they make glorious benefit for Kazakhstan Leaf fans by selecting Nik "The Big Unit" Antropov 10th overall.

What's this all mean? It means the Leafs have done ok drafting lately. They should probably hold on to players and not draft hockey players from Switzerland but we'll chalk that up to college age experimentation*. The Leafs pick 7th this year, and the last time they picked that high they selected... *scrolls up on page at HockeyDB.com, stops*. Oh man.

* This line doesn't make sense.

'Til the day I die that's the way it's gon' be

2008-04-08T11:12:00.004-04:00

Today my friends, we have been freed. Freed from the shackles of Stamkos hoping. Free from the oppressive shackles of the playoffs. Free from the Leafs being good in the next decade and forcing an ugly repeat of 1993 when we thought we had a chance. You see? Other teams are hopeful and optimistic. I know that my team stinks and I can't change that, so what should we do?

Yes sir, today we put our feet up and have a drink while we wait for summer. To that end, I give you a beautiful nugget of wisdom from Poet Laureate "Young Jeezy":

I just left Jamaica I'm talkin' Nachos Rios
Sippin' margaritas on the beach in my Adidas

Said quote and imagery were absolutely not chosen because the song in question is called "Corporate Thuggin". I would never accuse our benevolent overlords at MLSE of using the Leafs and my hopes and dreams to make cash.

The Swedish Weasel gets one right in the mouth.

2008-04-04T09:30:00.002-04:00

Toronto "may" have missed the playoffs by quite the few points, and they "may" have gotten "blown out" last night, but at least Toronto's captain knows where he is right now.

I'd say Mark Bell just earned his salary for next season.

Hello everyone, I'm Mats Sundin!

2008-03-26T09:30:00.004-04:00

You may remember me as the guy who refused to be traded at the deadline for a first round draft pick, a top prospect and more! I probably inspired other guys with no trade clauses to stick it out and make a run for the playoffs.

Shortly after torpedoing the Leafs' upcoming rebuild by not being traded I hurt my groin during the most important part of the season! Not only did the Leafs not get any picks or prospects, they also didn't get any Mats Sundin on the ice! It's the best of both worlds, unless you're still a fan of the Toronto Maple Leafs, in which case you probably aren't very happy right now. Anyhow, I'd love to stay and chat but I have an appointment to get a "theraputic groin massage" from six undergrads at Humber.

Important disclaimer: I love Mats and know he was the best Leaf ever but jesus christ.

See you at the draft

2008-03-26T08:34:00.002-04:00

Thank Jesus

2008-03-21T12:55:00.002-04:00

The Leafs called up Staffan Kronwall to replace Carlo "Oh god not again" Colaiacovo.

Did somebody say "Stamkos"?

2008-03-20T14:19:00.002-04:00

Sundin expected to miss weekend games. Colaiacovo out for season. Finally, from today's Leafs Insider email: "Nik Antropov is not expected to play this weekend as he is still recovering from a knee injury he sustained last Saturday against the Sabres."

Super duper. With Cola out does this mean we'll get to see Andy Wozniewski again? It's been a while.

On injuries

2008-03-20T09:21:00.003-04:00

So Colaiacovo's glass bones exploded again, what could be worse? We could have drafted Kerry Wood, Mark Prior and Matt Clement I guess.

TSN has him listed as "Day to day" which in Colaiacovo terms means "he probably would have been fine before the Leafs' medical staff told him to get treated by these guys".

Forget about Philly

2008-03-19T11:54:00.000-04:00

Everyone's focused on the Leafs catching Philly. The problem is, Philly doesn't matter. Right now, every team in the NHL is playing teams in their division to finish the season. If Philly not mattering hasn't dawned on you from that statement alone, let me expand.

Toronto has eight remaining games, (teams currently in the playoffs in bold):
BUF, OTT, BOS, BOS, MTL, BUF, OTT, MTL

Note that the only team Toronto is playing not currently holding a playoff spot is Buffalo, who probably will pass Philly.

Philly's remaining eight games are:
NYR, NYI, NYR, NJD, NYI, PIT, NJD, PIT

So ok, the Islanders stink, but the rest of the Atlantic is going to put a hurt on the Flyers. You're probably wondering then, if the Flyers are going to lose a lot of their remaining games, and the Leafs have the same schedule as Buffalo basically, what the point of this post is.

The Southeast division.

The Florida Panthers and Washington Capitals now play eight games against the Southeast division. The Capitals sit in ninth, the Panthers in eleventh, and the Leafs in twelfth. It's not that the Leafs can't pass Buffalo and Philly, in fact the Leafs may very well pass both of them with strong play over the remaining eight games, it's that there's no way both Washington and Florida are going to lose games and fall behind Toronto playing in the weakest division in the NHL.

For example, if Toronto runs the table and goes 8-0-0 to end the season with 92 points, the Capitals need only go 5-1-2 against the Southeast division to get to the same mark. 8-0-0 against Buffalo, Montreal, Ottawa, and Boston, or 5-1-2 against Atlanta, Tampa, Florida, and Carolina? If you were putting money down, you'd take the 5-1-2.

Divisional Play, Strength of Schedule, etc.

2008-03-19T11:47:00.004-04:00

I uploaded my full spreadsheet here.

What I did was I made a quick comparison based on points earned per game. I wanted to see how many points per game teams earned inside their division versus how many PPG they earned outside their division. Then I added the values up per division and averaged them. Here's what I found. I left out the Western Conference games since not every team in the East plays every team in the West.

For the Atlantic division, they earned 1.14PPG against all opponents so far (in division, out of division, western conference foes). In division they earn 1.08PPG. Out of division they earn 1.19PPG, a change of +11%.

In the Northeast, the strongest division in the East, they earn 1.13PPG overall, 1.04PPG in division, and 1.21PPG out of division, for a +17% change.

The Southeast meanwhile, earns 1.02PPG overall, 1.06PPG in division, and 0.99PPG out of division, for a -7% change. Ouch.

Based on those numbers it's pretty clear that the Southeast is full of weak opponents, and Washington has to be licking their chops at their upcoming eight SE games.

Well, that sucks.

2008-03-17T14:33:00.002-04:00

CBC.ca: Sundin and Antropov to miss Tuesday's game in New York. This, combined with thinking about what Chris Higgins, and Montreal's 1st, 2nd and 3rd would look like in conjunction with a Stamkos lottery ticket and Jeff Carter are really bumming me out, not to mention what the Leafs could have gotten for Kubina, and not to mention that guys like McCabe might be willing to waive their NTCs if the team really truly dismantled.

For those of you who forgot, the Islanders derailed the Leafs' playoff hopes twice last year, so without Sundin I think the Leafs are boned.

Let's Enjoy Whatever May Come

2008-03-13T11:50:00.002-04:00

There's a recap of last night's game so everyone can delight in the Tlusty hit. Reading Sean's post about storylines made me want to say something short and sweet. Take a look at that video again, smile and enjoy the Leafs of the past few weeks. They might make the playoffs, they might lose every game for the rest of the season. All we can do is wish for the best but more importantly enjoy what we've been watching lately.

Mark me down as being in The Muppet's state of zen. Go Leafs go!

Jason Blake Sucks Cocks in Hell

2008-03-11T21:00:00.005-04:00

My bold prediction!

2008-03-11T11:26:00.002-04:00

28-28-9

2008-02-28T09:43:00.000-05:00

We did it!

Thoughts on the Trade Deadline

2008-02-28T09:07:00.002-05:00

I might have the only Wade Belak jersey anyone owns. For real. If you know of anyone else with a Belak jersey, let me know so I can fix that.

Darcy "Goddamn" Tucker

2008-02-25T20:46:00.003-05:00

It's the middle of the second and Tucker has a goal and an assist. He has seven goals in his last nine games. I'm not saying his knee finally feels better, I'm just saying he was injured all season.

Thank god he didn't get traded.

Edit1: Two PP goals tonight. Eight goals in his last nine.

Bring on the trades!

2008-02-22T10:29:00.004-05:00

Fresh off a 5-1 drubbing at the hands of yet another team not headed to the playoffs, I can't help but think it couldn't have come at a better time. The Leafs looked like they were going to scrap their way through the end of the season, but I think they sent a loud message to Fletcher last night that it's time to break up that locker room. Come on Fletcher, see how many first rounders you can get in this year's draft. Trade anything it takes to Anaheim for Edmonton's first pick, snag one more, and the Leafs are ready for a youth movement.

I haven't had much to say lately, my men's league team has played every night the Leafs have (we're 13-3, and 13-1 with me in the lineup), but I wanted to weigh in on why Kaberle is exercising his NTC. Tomas Kaberle agreed to a lower contract than he would have otherwise gotten so that the Leafs could bring in Pavel Kubina. Ever since Kaberle signed that contract, the Leafs have been trying to trade him. Kaberle signed for a discount because he likes the Leafs, wants them to win, and presumably likes living in Toronto. People have been whining about players on the Leafs not using their NTC, but if it weren't for Kaberle's NTC his salary would be a lot higher.

So ok, Kaberle hasn't been that great this season, but to be honest the whole team hasn't been that great this season. I was reading a blog post (note: I forget who wrote it, drop me a line if it was you) about how compared to the market Kubina was worth his $5m contract. This season aside, Kaberle is a better player than Kubina and has a smaller contract. If Kubina's worth $5m, then Kaberle is definitely worth the $4.25m he earns.

Finally, condolences to PPP who lost a family member.

Downtime

2008-02-19T14:49:00.004-05:00

Sorry about the lack of updates, Darcy Tucker scored an OT winner on Saturday which immediately led to the following events:

* I drank 25 beers in celebration.
* One of my front teeth broke in half, because it couldn't contain its excitement about Tucker.
* I aged an entire year.

Note: Unlike most lists on this site, these list items are sadly 100% true.

Kings 6 Flames 3

2008-02-16T11:44:00.003-05:00

They're back!

2008-02-13T15:15:00.003-05:00

From the CBC:

"Forwards Alexei Ponikarovsky (dislocated shoulder) and Chad Kilger (personal reasons) are expected back in the lineup. Nik Antropov (suspension) and Alex Steen (shoulder) returned in Saturday's 3-2 win over Detroit."

That should help out the lineup a little bit, the Leafs have been good over their injured stretch though, maybe having young guys who give a shit helped more than their lack of experience and talent hurt. Here's hoping Poni and Kilger have a strong showing tonight. Go Leafs go!

Or maybe not, from The Star:

"Alexei Ponikarovsky, a mere three weeks after suffering a dislocated shoulder during a game at Washington, will be back in the Maple Leafs' lineup tonight.

...

Chad Kilger, though ready to play after taking five days off for personal reasons, will sit out again tonight."

I guess we'll have to wait and see what happens, also from that article:

"Ponikarovsky's return might mean that Kyle Wellwood is bounced to the press box as a healthy scratch.

...

Ponikarovsky, who missed just seven games, said he can't explain why he is able to come back so soon. He said perhaps his shoulder wasn't hurt as badly as first suspected or maybe he's reaping the benefits of a dedicated off-season training that included a rigorous summer weight lifting program. The 27-year-old has shoulders like bowling balls."

Maybe Wellwood could learn something from Ponikarovsky and work out harder in the offseason, or maybe Welly did work out hard in the offseason and his crazy dad threw him under the bus for no reason. Who knows?

No ifs ands or butts

2008-02-12T14:44:00.000-05:00

I found this picture on the CBC's HDIC website. The caption reads:

Outside the Butt home, Tantallon, N.S.
Here are M.J. Butt, Shane Fraser, Jonah Allen and Andrew Kempster, in the front-yard rink at the Butt family home, doing what they do here nearly every day. They all play Pee-wee hockey for the TASA Ducks.

Maybe I'm immature but I've been laughing about the phrase "the Butt family home" for the past hour.

It's NHL Road Trip Time!

2008-02-12T09:00:00.000-05:00

Every year I drive up to Toronto at least once to catch a game. I figure as long as I'm driving ten hours to see one game, I might as well hit up a few others. Last year for instance my buddy and I drove up to see Leafs-Lightning (Leafs won!) and then drove to Pittsburgh to
see Penguins-Habs (Penguins won, and Sidney Crosby scored that highlight reel goal they show with him scoring surrounded by Montreal players!). Pics here. That's just the Toronto part of the trip, if you go back into my normal Flickr stream there's photos of Pittsburgh too.

This year I got tickets to the holy grail: Leafs-Habs on HNIC. Saturday night hockey in Toronto vs the visor wearers. The problem was Buffalo is out of town that weekend, and I don't want to go to Ottawa or Montreal unless Toronto is playing. I've already seen the Leafs play in Philly, Long Island, and New York City this year, and I used to live in Boston so I've been there a million times.

Where else to go?

1,400 miles round trip. 7:00pm Saturday Leafs-Habs. 3:00 Sunday: Nashville Predators vs. Detroit Red Wings. Should be a good time I hope, and as usual there will be lots of photos.

Edit: Bonus photos of me playing hockey Sunday night! Sorry about the bluriness, obviously I didn't take them.

Chasing down a puck, doing some cherry picking.

As you can see I'm not much of a defensive player.

Toronto Maple Leafs Dance Party!

2008-02-11T10:51:00.000-05:00

What do you do after beating three of the league's best teams, and three of your biggest rivals in the same week? If you're the Maple Leafs you have a motherfucking dance party.

You stick your right leg in,
You stick your right leg out,
You stick your right le-
ANTROPOV SCOOOOOOOOOOORES

Ian White prepares to breakdance.

Mats Sundin loves Antropov's wacky Kazakh antics thiiiiiiiiis much.

Vesku shows Kris Draper what Russian kick dancing is all about.

Morning Update

2008-02-11T09:04:00.000-05:00

For anyone living under a rock, Richard Zednik's throat got sliced open by a skate last night in the FLA-BUF game. He's currently in stable condition, and here's hoping for a speedy recovery.

I really only posted video because I think it's weird that both NHL jugular incidents were in Buffalo. Must be something in the water there.

There's nothing else to say about the Leafs

2008-02-10T11:05:00.000-05:00

Why We're Cheering for Montreal Tonight

2008-02-07T09:27:00.000-05:00

A Montreal win and an Ottawa loss drops Ottawa to fourth in the Eastern Conference. It also helps in the Stampede for Stamkos, especially since Edmonton won last night. This isn't a long or particularly in depth post, I just don't feel the same way about beating Montreal in the regular season as I do about beating Ottawa.

Ottawa sucks.

The Stampede is on!

2008-02-06T09:39:00.000-05:00

The Leafs love us, their fans. They love every one of us diehard true blue Leafs fans, I'm sure of it. Want to know how I'm sure? Fresh off of beating everyone's least favorite team the Ottawa Senators, the "best" team in the East, the Leafs go ahead and lose 8-0 to the Florida Panthers just to get back into the Stampede for Stamkos.

LA, feeling apologetic for ruining everything in 1993 and then giving a cup to Montreal was nice enough to hammer the Rangers, and Tampa Bay realized it had too many star players so they decided to beat St. Louis. That means the Stampede for Stamkos ^{^{TM, R, Patent Pending}} looks like this:

Team GP Points
---- -- ------
LAK 55 47
TAM 54 49
TOR 55 51
CHI 52 51
EDM 55 53

Toronto isn't in the clear lead, and they've got some serious losing to do to make sure Chicago and ~~Anaheim~~ Edmonton don't shark the Leafs' chance at Stamkos. There's an important word in that last sentence: chance. Based on the lottery system, the bottom five teams in the NHL's standings have a chance at the first pick.

So then, based on the lottery, how often has the worst team in the league gotten the first pick? From here, we get this list:

Year Team Result Selected
---- ---- ------ --------
2000 NYI Moved from 5th to 1st DiPietro
2001 ATL Moved from 3rd to 1st Kovalchuk
2002 FLA Moved from 3rd to 1st Nash *
2003 FLA Moved from 4th to 1st Fleury *
2004 WSH Moved from 3rd to 1st Ovechkin
2005 PIT n/a Crosby
2006 STL Retained 1st selection Johnson
2007 CHI Moved from 5th to 1st Kane

In the eight years listed above, the worst team in the league only kept the first pick once. The Penguins had as bad a shot as anyone in the Sidney Crosby lottery, so it could be said 2/8. That means even finishing dead last the Leafs have about a 25% chance at Stamkos. However, 25% is a better probability than 12%, and if you're going to finish 27th, you might as well go for 30th.

Edit: For clarification, my use of 25% refers to the chances of the worst team getting the first pick in the last eight years. This is confusing due to the fact that the worst team has a 25% chance of winning the lottery, however since a team can move up at most 4 spots in the draft lottery this means that the worst team has a 48% chance, in theory, of getting the best draft pick. Here's the only link I could find to explain the current draft lottery rules, if someone has a better link I'm all ears.

The Defensive Pairing Carousel!

2008-02-05T13:29:00.000-05:00

Wheel of morality turn turn turn
Tell us the lesson that we should learn

With McCabe coming back on Thursday the Maple Leafs now have a decent selection of available defenders. The problem is, who plays with who?

Initially I want to say:

Kubina-Kaberle
McCabe-Stralman
Gill-Colaiacovo

Kaberle and Kubina play fairly well together, and until McCabe is 100% back to speed they can both eat up a lot of minutes on the ice.

McCabe will benefit from playing with Stralman since Stralman is a good skater and outlet passer and is probably willing to defer to McCabe's shot on the point. Stralman will benefit from the more physical defensive game McCabe plays than he does.

Colaiacovo and Gill are then a third pairing in name only, I think they're two solid players who can both get physical and could be used to hit opponents skilled lines.

We'll see how all of this plays out, I'm just hoping Cola can stay healthy for a while and really start to develop.

Where did this come from?

2008-02-04T09:45:00.000-05:00

Wozniewski scratched? Robbie Earl gets 15 minutes of playtime and goes 0-1-1, +1? Zero penalties? Senators lose to the Leafs again?

I don't know who these Leafs are, but they have the Senators' number right now. I just hope they find ways to lose against everyone else, because I still don't think they're playoff bound.

Bonus video so that everyone can watch Blake's goal over and over:

Editor's note: Chemmy is on suicide watch until further notice.

The Heimlich

2008-02-04T09:39:00.000-05:00

If anyone knows the heimlich, please report to the Patriots locker room before the second half, thanks.

Who's getting the call?

2008-02-01T12:32:00.000-05:00

Last night Toronto lost Pohl and Antropov, so two people need to be called up. Who gets the call?

I think there are six guys on the "possible" list:

Of those, Williams performs the best in the NHL, with an obviously small sample size admittedly. I think Williams is the first callup. The second callup based on current AHL performance should probably be David Ling, but he played 93 games with Columbus and sucked. It's obvious that in the NHL without being surrounded by good players he's not going to make a difference. Robbie Earl and Alex Foster have similar PPG in the AHL, and a similar ratio of goals to assists. Alex Foster is a natural center though, so I think to fill Pohl's spot he's the right guy.

In conclusion, you probably won't see Williams and Foster get the call up because that would make sense. I'd bet on seeing Ling and Williams based solely on their NHL experience, even though guys like Earl and Foster could use a taste of the NHL to help their development.

Stampede for Stamkos!

2008-02-01T10:02:00.000-05:00

If Mats Sundin could have contained himself last night, Toronto would have been a whole point closer to Stamkos. Currently the Stampede for Stamkos^{^TM} looks as follows:

Team - GP - Pts
LAK - 53 - 45
TAM - 52 - 47
TOR - 53 - 49
FLA - 52 - 49
CHI - 51 - 50
EDM - 53 - 51

So it's a tight race. Tampa won last night and LA won last night, so maybe they'll both go on some nice winning streaks. The only game I'd like to win in the forseeable future is Saturday against Ottawa, aside from that I'm going to keep watching Youtube and thinking about the future.

Welcome to the rollercoaster

2008-01-30T11:22:00.000-05:00

I watched a bit of last night's game, I'm going to admit it's hard for me to devote nights to the Maple Leafs when they play like this. It's hard, because I still feel like crap when they lose, but when they win I feel like I didn't do my part and thus can't enjoy it as much.

From what I saw though, two guys who've been in the doghouse played really well. Blake had a goal and an assist, and Tucker set up a pair of goals. Matt Stajan also looked good out there last night. Unfortunately Wellwood was as invisible as ever this season, and I'm starting to wonder if his groin just doesn't feel right (editor's note: that's what she said).

The third goal by the Blues on Toskala was maybe unlucky, but I felt annoyed watching it. Vesa's been really strong this season and he should have been able to hold on to that rebound. I guess the five guys standing around him could have shoveled the puck under his pads to help, but the whole thing just stunk.

So this is our rollercoaster ride. From feeling like we were in the hunt again last week, to this week where the Leafs are three points ahead of Tampa with an extra game played, and five points ahead of Los Angeles. Honestly some strong play for a week by either of those teams gives us Stamkos, and I think given our injuries:

Bell - IR - Cracked orbital bone, requires surgery
Devereaux - DTD - Wrist
McCabe - IR - Hand
Ponikarovsky - IR - Shoulder
Steen - DTD - Seperated shoulder
Colaiacovo - Healthy - Spot reserved for frequent customers

The Leafs have a legitimate chance at finishing 30th. My old man is from Philly and I gave him a pretty hard time about last year. Karma is a bitch. At any rate I'm still rooting for the Leafs to win, but I'm at the point where I can accept the probable outcome of this season so at least I'm done grieving.

ps. I bet my dad that the Flyers would finish 4th or 5th in their division and I'd like to not lose that bet, so if you guys could root for everyone in the Atlantic besides Philly that'd be a big help. Thanks.

Who's ready for a beating?

2008-01-29T10:37:00.000-05:00

The facts:

1. Toronto sucks against the Western Conference because they're not a very good team.

The prediction:

St. Louis 5
Toronto 2

The All Star Weekend

2008-01-28T15:23:00.000-05:00

My thoughts on the All Star weekend:

Brooklyn was a good time, I saw Neurosis and Mastodon play, then hung out at the 4th Ave Pub until last call. Woke up in Bed-Stuy and made corned beef hash for breakfast with old friends, then took the train to Manhattan and wandered aimlessly in the cold talking to Ian. Got home Saturday night and made an old favorite: steak and tater tots.

On Sunday I transferred our oatmeal stout from the primary fermenter to the carboy and played a hockey game in which someone tried to Marty McSorley me which led to a brawl, a bunch of suspensions, and me doing the Hulk Hogan to their bench after putting us up 5-0 with a minute left in the third.

Decent weekend, I didn't watch the All Star game because it sucks.

Forget Stamkos

2008-01-24T10:03:00.000-05:00

I'm going to say it. I'm going back on our promise. We decided we'd all suck it up and cheer against the Leafs, and cheer for Stamkos. The Leafs might not be good enough to make the playoffs, but they're not bad enough to compete with Tampa and LA in the Shitslide for Stamkos either, so I'm back on board.

STEEN SHOOTS, SUNDIN SCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORES!

Don't act like you weren't excited. I jumped off the couch and ran around in circles cheering our good fortune, and I'm hoping I get the chance to do it again tonight.

Could sex help the Leafs?

2008-01-22T11:31:00.001-05:00

I saw this linked on Deadspin, and could only think that everybody should ask Tlusty what to do next.

Crap

2008-01-20T10:51:00.001-05:00

Toronto works their depleted rival to the south 4-2, and with that I think JFJ's job is safe. We're boned.

Rob Ramage sentenced

2008-01-17T11:51:00.000-05:00

From the CBC:

"Former NHL player Rob Ramage was sentenced to four years in prison Thursday in a Newmarket, Ont., court for his role in the death of former Chicago Blackhawks defenceman Keith Magnuson."

Unfortunate for the ex-Leafs captain, but I think it serves as a reminder than no matter who you are, drinking and driving has real consequences.

McFarlane's NHL 20 toys announced

2008-01-17T11:43:00.000-05:00

The new NHL figures are out, I don't own any but I might buy a Tucker one someday, however this caught my eye:

"VESA TOSKALA: Toskala spent four seasons sharing net time in San Jose before a trade to Toronto gave him the full-time starting goalie job he'd been waiting for. Toskala showed his mettle in Toronto over an 11-start stretch in late 2007, earning a pair of shutouts and a 7-3-0-1 record, allowing 18 goals while stopping 266 shots."

Vesa - everywhere you want to be, including the toy store.

Leafs Insider tells it like it really is... I think

2008-01-16T15:08:00.000-05:00

This was part of last night's game recap on Mapleleafs.com:

"Whatever happened to Darcy Tucker? He was ineffective again."

Now, despite the title of this blog, I'm not blind to Darcy Tucker. I know he's been underperforming, but I'm pretty sure he's underperforming due to ligament damage in his knee. You'd think the writers at Mapleleafs.com would know that, and maybe cut the guy some slack.

Good to see we'll have McCabe back soon, with Stralman's play last night it might mean the end of Andy "Herpes" Wozniewski.

On JFJ and Rebuilding

2008-01-16T09:06:00.000-05:00

As JFJ begins packing up his office in anticipation, I'd like to remind Leafs fans of one thing: JFJ might be a terrible GM. Might be. We have no idea. The board of MLSE jerked JFJ around with one year contracts and "make the playoffs" demands. JFJ never had the opportunity to put a multi-year plan into action. Maybe that plan would have sucked, maybe it wouldn't have, but the Leafs' woes right now go straight to the top.

Don't get me wrong, JFJ has written some bad contracts, and Maurice has a propensity for putting Wozniewski on the ice in crucial situations. I just don't think firing JFJ is going to fix anything. The next Leafs GM doesn't need to be Nostradamus or the second coming of Conn Smythe, he needs a four year contract and for the MLSE board to leave him alone for four years so he (or she, it's 2008) can rebuild.

On rebuilding, the argument I've always heard is that Toronto won't tolerate a bad team, they need to rebuild on the fly because noone will tolerate a loser. If the teams of this and the past two seasons weren't losers, I don't know what to say. Yet here we all are, watching and hoping desperately that our team that hasn't been to the playoffs in four years will squeak in next year maybe. The time to rebuild is now. The fans in Toronto will tolerate rebuilding because they're die hards. Maybe some of the corporate seats will disappear, big deal. There are tons of people lined up to see the Leafs, even if they stink. As much as I hate the guy, Harold Ballard was right - the Leafs will play to a sellout crowd even if they lose every game. So why can't they rebuild?

They blew it

2008-01-15T22:03:00.001-05:00

As soon as I get behind the Stampede to Stamkos, the Leafs ruin it by winning. This team can't do anything right.

Inspiration for the coming dark days

2008-01-14T13:55:00.000-05:00

We can only hope for a complete dismantling of the Toronto Maple Leafs, so that the team can rebuild on a solid foundation. If we're lucky enough for everything to come crashing down there will be no stopping us.

As a group of fans, we're the best fans anywhere. We just need to accept that the team is going to be terrible for a few years so that it can be a powerhouse once again.

There's nothing wrong with that. We don't need to renounce our choice of teams like so many people have vocally done in the past few weeks, we just need to accept that Toronto isn't going to the playoffs for a few years (which should be easy since they haven't gone there in a while).

Hopefully in five years we'll all look back at this and laugh while wearing our Stamkos and Tavares jerseys, and remember: better dead than red.

Important Update: Things Return to Normal in San Jose

2008-01-13T00:25:00.001-05:00

We here at DTFC would like to apologize for the Leafs upsetting the delicate balance of the universe for two periods tonight. We'd like to say that the problem corrected itself and the Leafs returned to form.

Thanks for your patience.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

2008-01-11T14:21:00.000-05:00

WHY?!?!

Please don't ruin Pogge as well as my hopeful spirits. Please please please please.

UPDATE: According to a source of mine, Pogge asked to be called up and claimed he didn't mind getting shelled. That makes me feel a little better at least. He has been dying to play in the NHL for a while, so I guess this makes sense.

Thanks to hk and MagicCube.

New Canadian Holiday Announced

2008-01-11T09:07:00.000-05:00

In light of recent tragedies, a new Canadian holiday has been announced. The day after any Toronto Maple Leafs game will now be known as "Hug a Leafs Fan" day. Upcoming "Hug a Leafs Fan" days include:

Today! Go try the new holiday out!
Sunday, January 13th
Wednesday, January 16th

Remember, whether they're cradling Mats Sundin bobbleheads and crying, or slowly twisting in the noose they made from a Doug Gilmour jersey, it's your civic duty to go hug a Toronto Maple Leafs fan and maybe offer some gentle encouragement. Government approved encouragement includes:

It's ok, every team has a bad stretch. There isn't a single person on earth who saw the Chicago Cubs win their last World Series.
At least Sundin seems to be defying the laws of aging.
Stamkos

Steve Downie is a talentless goon

2008-01-08T13:49:00.001-05:00

I saw this story posted on ESPN:

League issues warning, but no ban, after Downie punches Leafs' Blake

"During a conference call, Colin Campbell, NHL executive vice president and league disciplinarian, issued a warning to Downie, whose latest transgression took place Saturday in the third period of the Flyers' 3-2 victory in Toronto. Blake, who was being held back by an official at the time, never saw Downie's punch, which landed on his left eye. Downie, a rookie, was assessed a double-minor penalty.

"It's Steve's [fourth] NHL game. He's walking a fine line there, which is basically what he was told. My conversation with Steve was a little harsher than Colin Campbell's.""

So in four NHL games the league has suspended Steve Downie for 20 games and then gives him a slap on the wrist for sucker punching a player who doesn't fight, didn't drop his gloves, and was being restrained by officials.

What does Steve Downie not understand? He got a big break back in juniors when everyone assumed Akim Aliu didn't want to play along with good natured hazing by a good old canadian kid. More and more it just looks like Steve Downie is an asshole, and the league doesn't care. Darien Hatcher recieved no suspension for biting Travis Zajac. Everyone who follows hockey would answer the following correctly without hearing about the items beforehand:

Q: In last week's NHL action, a player sucker punched an opponent who was being held back by referees with his gloves still on. Another player on his team bit someone during a fight. What team do they play for?

Complaining about the Flyers being disgusting cheapshot goons is getting passe because it happens so often, so why isn't the league discipling them anymore? Why do Hatcher and Downie get a free pass? Did the Flyers not learn from previous suspensions?

I'm back!

2008-01-08T11:58:00.001-05:00

This is a quick note, I'll write a longer post later. I just got back from San Diego, Chicago (where I saw the Blackhawks play the Kings) and Philly. I didn't end up taking any pictures at the Flyers game because I didn't want someone to steal my iPhone.

We had a great time in Chicago (where I was wearing a Leafs jersey) and Long Island. People were friendly. They didn't like the Leafs, but they were at least friendly about it. People in Philly will get in your way in the hallways of the concourse to boo loudly in your face and yell you that you're a faggot. I guess if I lived in a city with no redeeming features and four garbage sports teams I'd be a jerk too, I dunno. I probably won't ever go to a Flyers game ever again.

I'll write up more tonight hopefully and throw up some pictures from Chicago.

This Guy Sucks

2007-12-26T20:52:00.000-05:00

See title.

Leafs Nation

2007-12-26T19:09:00.000-05:00

My whole section is full of Leafs fans. Apparently they're all going
to Philly with us tomorrow.

Leafs at Islanders

2007-12-26T18:47:00.000-05:00

Pic of the ice before the puck drop. No trouble getting here, the
ushers dusted off our seats and welcomed us to the game.

My Leafs jerseys.

2007-12-23T01:24:00.000-05:00

Testing out posting from my phone.

Leafs at Panthers Image Recap

2007-12-23T01:06:00.002-05:00

Pavel Kubina punches one home.

Who let that guy in?

Darcy Tucker goes for a ride.

I had an idea for a feature, I'm going to trawl some of the sports images sites and post some of their photos here. I'm sure this is copyright infringement but since I don't intend to profit off of these I'll be able to live with myself. Check out the websites I'm grabbing photos from:
Daylife (beta)
CBS Sportsline
ESPN

Carlo Colaiacovo and the Leafs defense

2007-12-23T00:40:00.001-05:00

Carlo played 20 minutes last night in a Marlies win, he was a plus one. To me that says his knee is probably feeling better. Looking ahead at the Marlies schedule though, they have the following:

12/26 Toronto @ Rochester
12/27 Grand Rapids @ Toronto

Unfortunately this coincides with the Leafs' next two game:

12/26 Toronto @ Long Island
12/27 Toronto @ Philadelphia

It seems unlikely that Carlo would get the call up in between those two games, though if he played in Rochester on the 26th it wouldn't be too far of a trip to get him down to Philly. More importantly, with two games in two days it might make sense to just let Colaiacovo play both games in the AHL to get some confidence, to find out more about his knee's shape, all while he's in the AHL and not really abusing it playing for the Leafs against a ~~dirty~~ physical team like the Flyers.

Here's hoping we see Colaiacovo on HNIC against the Rangers. As a Christmas gift, I present to you the Leafs' defensive lineup with Cola and McCabe:

McCabe-Kaberle
Kubina-Colaiacovo
Gill-White

No offense to Stralman, I like the kid, but it's clear that the Leafs think Andy "Herpes" Wozniewski is a better player than Anton, so all we can do is cross our fingers that McCabe and Colaiacovo are both healthy at the same time.

Let's talk Leafs

2007-12-23T00:26:00.000-05:00

I'm going to try and get this started, though I'll be computerless for the next two weeks so bear with me.

Nobody reads this blog

2007-01-19T11:02:00.000-05:00

Can we save the Penguins? Watching the internet phenomenon of Vote for Rory, could a grassroots effort save the Pittsburgh Penguins? What are our options? Organize a campaign for everyone in their jurisdiction to vote against currently seated politicians if the Penguins aren't offered an acceptable deal? Try and raise the short term popularity of the Penguins with the mass Pittsburgh market in order to help that goal? The Steelers aren't in the playoffs, and it's not baseball season yet so Pittsburgh fans have nothing else to watch.

I'm from Hartford, I lost the Whale. We need a call to arms. Everyone from Pittsburgh, Winnipeg, Hartford, and Quebec needs to stand up and help a city with solid attendance and a good team keep their team, instead of losing it to some shithouse southern market.

WJHC

2007-01-03T12:56:00.000-05:00

First off, congratulations to Team Canada. I was pulling for the US for once, but it sounded like an exciting game. Moving on, settling a semifinal game in an international tournament with a shootout is ridiculous. A shootout is fine to break a tie in pool or round robin play, but the US is going to the consolation game because they didn't score on one breakaway. Weak.

Listening to the shootout on XM Radio down here in the States, and hearing the same three shooters for each side over and over sucked. If you're going to settle important games with a shootout, at least force a team to use all its players instead of deciding entry to a medal game based on each team's best three breakaway guys.

This leaves a bad taste in my mouth. The action in the third and in overtime was fast paced and very enjoyable, but after a whopping ten minutes of OT they pulled the plug and settled it with a shootout. For the record I don't mind the NHL shootout since it would have been a tie anyways, but shootouts shouldn't decide anything important.

A little down time...

2006-12-17T23:07:00.000-05:00

So, since my first shitty test post the Leafs dropped seven games in a row but responded with three strong wins against Tampa, Carolina, and the Rangers. I feel optimistic about this team, but I'm a little worried about our 9-2 win over the Rangers. The game before our slump we beat Alexander Ovechkin's Capitals 7-1, and then didn't score consistently for almost two weeks.

That's the issue with the Leafs right now, it's consistency. On some nights we'll get Wellwood putting up five points and the rest of the team helping out, and on other nights we get nothing. On some nights the whole team is skating like their life depends on them skating as hard as they can, and on other nights only Tucker and Battaglia seem like they care.

One thing's for sure, I'm glad Sundin has had a good few games. Nothing is more tiresome than listening to the Toronto media bash Mats as if he's the reason the Leafs aren't successful. All you really need to say about Sundin is this; 1,183 career games played, 508 goals, 688 assists, 1,196 points. Better than a point a game over almost 1200 games spanning sixteen seasons? Yeah, he's the reason the Leafs haven't won the cup since they found Bill Barilko.

p.s. I promise I'll get more coherent as I start writing more. Right now a lot of nonsense is swirling around in my crappy head and I'm a poor writer.